For the longest time, I never liked my dad.
As a child, I often wondered why he even bothered to give birth to me. It felt as if he was struggling all his life, and our presence merely added on to his countless suffering. As far as I could recall, his own dad never seemed to genuinely love him from the heart. To me, their “love” (if any) felt like a commercial transaction; where my dad had to keep up with allowances of an acceptable amount, in order to warrant a silent nod of approval from his dad. Failing which, my dad would have to quietly swallow his dad’s resentment & anger in the form of facial expression, body language & tone. It was not as if my grandfather badly needed the cash. My grandfather was comfortable financially, always ready & eager to splurge generously on his clan association & initiatives, and his other children. Growing up, it was puzzling for me to witness this father-son relationship between them.
Throughout the years, my dad suppressed so much suffering & injustice within him. For decades, his dearest mum was stricken with stroke & other health conditions, and was frequently warded in the hospital for treatment. When it comes to hospital bills, my dad paid the bulk of it, despite the fact that my grandfather was around & my dad was the eldest of six siblings. For many years, whenever my grandmother had to be warded in the hospital for treatment, everybody would simply send her to the most expensive private hospital in Singapore, and expected my dad to promptly settle the hospital bills. Nobody really cared that he was toiling so hard doing shifts at work, trying his best to feed his family as well. As far as I could recall, my dad’s siblings mostly fended for their own interests. Even after my grandfather passed away, “money” is the only social glue that binds all of them together, to discuss how to divide & apportion the assets according to my grandfather’s will.
Despite my dad’s tendencies to lash out at us physically & verbally, he mellowed down considerably as the years passed.
After working on healing our relationship energetically for the longest time, I am proud to share that the “rock” between us has been removed. We can finally talk to each other, without the need for quarrels, sarcasm or criticism. Slowly but surely, we can share heart-to-heart conversations. This is such a milestone that I could never have dreamt of when I embarked on this healing work. Of course, there are always things to improve between & within us, but where we are right now, it feels like the start of a miracle unfolding. Thank you, Masters! 🙏🏻
Today, I would like to share my gratitude towards my dad, for the immense kindness that he has shown me over the years.
At the top of my list, I will never forget that he saved my life through his decisive thinking, and gave me a chance to live today.
Back then, in my junior college days, I was keeping a hectic life, trying to juggle between my studies & martial arts. I loved martial arts, and I yearned to gain proficiency in it. We had to train diligently & rigorously. One day, I noticed needle red spots all over my legs. These red spots were peculiar, as they were neither itchy nor had any “bump” above the skin. These red spots appeared to be growing beneath the skin, and didn’t go away after a few days. At the same time, I felt fatigue all over my body, which I reckoned was probably due to my intensive martial arts training. My parents decided that maybe I should see the doctor at a polyclinic. My mum accompanied me to the polyclinic. We both thought it was probably nothing serious; maybe just a lotion to apply on the skin, and all would go away. When we finally met the doctor, he requested for me to do a blood test immediately. Everything was expedited. I was quickly sent to the nurse to do a blood test. Everything felt like a daze. All I could recall was the nurse telling me sincerely to “take care” and “be careful not to hurt myself”, and the doctor telling us to head to the Accident & Emergency Department of the nearest hospital with a copy of the blood test results & his hand-written letter. It dawned upon me and my mum that this is serious & urgent.
We panicked, went back to pack a set of clothes, and boarded a cab to the nearest hospital with my dad.
Within minutes, I was confined to the bed, did more blood tests, and warded. It took days for the doctor to rule out other possibilities, before confirming that I was diagnosed with a type of autoimmune condition, which attacked my blood platelets. The needle red spots all over my legs were due to a severe deficiency in blood platelets in my body. Blood platelets help the blood clot, so if the levels are too low, I may potentially die from a small cut or wound in my body. I was told that a normal person’s platelet ranges from 150 to 450, but I only had 3. Somehow, my body wrongly recognised my platelets as foreign cells, and attacked my platelets instead. Desperate to keep my platelet levels up, my doctor chose to infuse in me bags after bags of platelets for my blood type. Within one week, I used up the entire stockpile of platelets for my blood type in that hospital, and they had to send in more platelets from other hospitals to keep my platelet levels up.
You may wonder, what happened to those platelets infused into my blood? Didn’t those platelets help to increase my platelet count? Unfortunately, those foreign platelets could only artificially increase my platelet count for a few days, before they eventually die. In fact, my condition worsened after one week in hospital. With at least 3 rounds of blood tests daily, after one week, my platelet count dropped from 3 to 2.
I could still recall that faithful day when I was informed that my platelet count dipped for the worse. I was looking pale, slightly green & greyish, and I felt so tired & drowsy that I couldn’t think properly. I wasn’t sure if I could pull through at this rate. The doctor wasn’t sure what to do next as well. I fought so hard for one week, but nothing seemed to improve. I felt like giving up altogether.
Yet, something within me didn’t want to give up. I remembered praying very hard that night for myself to be given the chance to live & get out of hospital. If I make it out of hospital, I promise to dedicate my life to serve others. I repeated this over and over again in my mind.
That very night, after my parents closed their shop, they rushed to the hospital, and my dad demanded to speak to my doctor there & then. Thankfully, my doctor was kind enough to specially return to the hospital to meet my dad. My dad incisively asked for my doctor to propose a solution (other than the infusion of platelets) to increase my platelet count sustainably, whatever the price may be. It was then my doctor suggested to try a new, not really tested & much more expensive treatment, which involves the infusion of immunoglobin into my blood. I could still recall, each bottle of immunoglobin cost $500, I needed 4 to 6 bottles, and there was no guarantee that these would work well in my body. Nonetheless, my dad decided to give it a go immediately.
That very night, I was infused with bottle after bottle of immunoglobin. My mum spent the night sleeping in the chair beside my bed. My dad went home, and came back very early the next morning to swap with my mum.
I was so blessed. The immunoglobin became the miracle that allowed my platelet count to increase, and even after a few days, my platelet count dipped to a decent 50. I could finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. I could finally be discharged from hospital.
After I was discharged from hospital, I had to take prednisolone (an immunosuppressant) for a few months, before I could stop taking it. My autoimmune condition has since evolved, but that’s perhaps a story for another day. 😉
The purpose of sharing this story is to recall the blessings that I received from my dad and my Masters (even though I had no idea who they were back then). Thank you for watching over me. Thank you for giving me the gift of life once more. I promise to treasure my life each day, to live it mindfully & meaningfully to the best of my ability. 🙏🏻
Besides this immense kindness that my dad had given me, he has showered me with so much blessings all these years.
From the day I was born, I never had to worry about lacking money, food and shelter in my life. My dad dutifully discharged the responsibility of making sure that all his children had sufficient money, food & shelter. Though we did not come from a wealthy family, my parents were extremely frugal and hardworking that they managed to save enough for us to spend comfortably. Life would have been so much tougher without them.
When I almost felt like giving up on myself & my studies in primary school, my dad decided to buy brand new textbooks for me and my sister, instead of letting us use “hand-me-downs” from my brother. He wanted us to have an added motivation to study, because these textbooks belonged to us. I could still recall how fondly I held on to my brand new textbooks & how much I cherished my textbooks from that day onwards.
There are so many more stories. I can never finish sharing all the kindness extended by my parents.
To which, I am deeply grateful. 🙏🏻🤍
Masters, would you have anything that you would like to share with us?
Dearest children, your parents gave you this beautiful gift of life, and with it, the opportunity to experience life on earth. Honour your parents’ existence, respect them, and cherish this beautiful life that you have been given. In times of despair, know that we are always ready to support you, to walk with you on your soul’s journey. You are not, and will never be, alone in this journey. You have us with you all the time. When life is challenging, remember that it also presents us with lessons to learn, grow and evolve. It is not meant to cripple you; it is meant to help you to ascend. 🚀🌟
If you would like to receive guidance on how to embark on, or deepen, your healing with your loved ones, you may find it helpful to experience a Themed Akashic Light Reading & Healing Session, centering on “Deep Healing of Past & Present Issues Afflicting the Soul”. Click on link below for details. Feel free to contact me for any queries. 🙏🏻
