On this journey of spiritual awakening, one of my most difficult lessons is to learn how to embrace my Light fully.
By that, I meant for me to fully internalise & accept, at all levels of my being, that I am Light. Not just a pillar of Light that I might have visualised during meditation. But to see myself as a living extension of God/Source/Universe. That within me, resides the same divine spark that connects deeply to God/Source/Universe. π
For the longest time, I couldn’t make much sense out of this. It was a concept that I understood on a mental level, but I couldn’t feel it in all levels of my being – physical, emotional, mental and spiritual levels.
How can I (a mere human being) be anything more than my physical body? How can I (of all persons) be even worthy to be the Light that extends to God/Source/Universe?
It dawned upon me that through all these years of growing up, I took on so much conditioning around me, which made me believe that I was unworthy to be anything more than a mere human being. For many years, I thought I was only here on earth to suffer through life’s experiences and die. I would never have imagined that I am worthy of a higher calling, let alone worthy to be the Light that extends to, and is a part of, God/Source/Universe. Maybe someone else, but certainly not me.
From the day I was born, I never felt that I was anything other than “normal”.

I was the second child in the family, three years younger than my eldest brother. For many years, I saw myself as a shadow of my brother’s greater existence on earth. In terms of personality, we were on completely opposite ends of the spectrum; he was an extrovert, quick-witted, charming & eloquent, while I was an introvert, quiet, somewhat of a loner, rather slow & stupid. He was often my dad’s source of pride, while I was often my dad’s source of embarrassment.
When I was growing up, I was often associated with words like “slow”, “dumb” or “stupid”. I could still recall, how stressed I was when my mum tested me on the different permutations of the multiplication table (from 1×1 to 12×12). If I couldn’t answer within a few seconds, she would hit my hands using the end of a feather duster or a cane. After repeated caning & scolding, I ended up memorising the entire chunk of the multiplication table, whether I understood it or not. In the first primary school, my brother would often receive awards on stage for excelling academically, while I would be required to stay behind after class to receive free remedial lessons. In the second primary school, it was even worse for me. I was not only faring badly in school academically, I was also the subject of complaint by all my teachers. As a result, I was often at the receiving end of negative feedback to repeatedly remind me that I am extremely “slow” and “stupid”. Needless to say, my self-worth back then was at an all-time low. I was living, but I felt at times that I might be better off dead.
My life in secondary school was a turning point for me. It was a blessing in disguise that I was posted to a fairly new neighbourhood school where most students couldn’t be bothered to study. I became one of the rare few who was extremely hardworking, motivated & determined to excel in everything I do, be it in my studies or co-curricular activities.
Back then, my self-worth was hinged upon the external approval of others, including my parents.

For everything I did, it felt as if I was trying to prove everyone who looked down or gave up on me, wrong. I put in my best efforts to make sure that I excel. And excelled I did. In my studies, I was consistently the top few in class. In my co-curricular activities, I was consistently promoted through the ranks & excelled in all the responsibilities that I was assigned. I even became a school prefect.
Yet, despite all my achievements, I often felt deeply alone. I had nobody to share my achievements with, for my parents were too busy toiling long hours at the shop, trying to make ends meet.
On one occasion, I was nominated for a prestigious Outstanding All-Rounders (OARS) Award, given to the selected few students who excelled in their studies & co-curricular activities. To receive the OARS Award, we were invited to a formal awards ceremony at a community center, where each of us would take turns to go onto stage to shake hands with the VIP, and take a photo to commemorate the special occasion. It was the first time that I was invited on stage, not because I was late or punished, but because I was receiving an award. My two other classmates (who were also award recipients) were extremely excited, and their parents beamed with pride as they attended the ceremony with them. For me, I felt like a burden to my dad, who reluctantly drove me to the community center, left me there, and came back to pick me up after a few hours. I still recalled, at the moment when my name was called, I walked up onto the stage with a heavy heart, feeling all alone in a crowd of strangers. The VIP shook my hands and said something like, “congratulations, your parents must be really proud of you, let’s take a photo together”. To which, I think I replied, “no, they are not here with me, nobody is taking a photo for me”. At that moment, it felt as if I was the wrong person, at the wrong place, receiving an award which I was undeserving of. It was supposed to be a joyous occasion, but all I felt was deep sadness within. As I walked off the stage, I was quietly sobbing in my heart, as I suppressed the tears welling up in my eyes. I gathered myself, headed out to search for my dad, apologised for the delay, and took the car ride back.
Every year, there would be a compulsory “meet the parents session”, in which our form teacher would go through each student’s grades & conduct with their parents. As usual, I would be all alone, as my parents were too busy working in the shop. Thankfully, my form teacher didn’t harp on my parents’ absence, and took it in her stride. I would quietly wait for her to be done with all other parents, before going through my grades & conduct with me. No matter how well my grades & conduct were, it felt as if nobody at home cared, so long as I don’t land myself into trouble & become a source of embarrassment.
In my secondary school, I amassed many awards everywhere. The awards included the prestigious Pioneer Brigadier Brooch, which is the highest local award that a Girls’ Brigade cadet can receive, as well as the Overall Top Student Award.
Although I poured in my heart & soul to attain these awards, it literally meant nothing in the end. Nobody, except me, really cared about all these achievements. Even with all these achievements, I couldn’t receive the external approval that I yearned for. Instead, all I felt each time, was deep sadness & emptiness within.
Due to all these experiences, I hated to be in the limelight.

As far as I could, I would avoid every opportunity to be in the limelight. I would much prefer to operate in the shadows, where I wouldn’t be reminded of my dependence towards the external approval of others, including my parents.
Over the years, I grew to dislike anything in which I was thrusted to be in the limelight. This included awards ceremony, presentations, and even my birthday celebrations. Most people would find it puzzling why anybody would dislike their own birthday celebrations, where they would often be lavished with presents & treated with meals. On the contrary, I would often be haunted by my past memories, and the desire not to be chained by the shackles of my expectations towards others. On a deeper level, I was afraid that I might form expectations towards others, only to be abandoned in the end. It was my method of self-preservation; by creating a safety barrier all around me, to protect myself from being hurt once more.
When I first discovered the Akashic Records, I treated my Akashic Masters like my teacher, with utmost reverence. To me, it felt as if my Akashic Masters were high above in the fifth dimension, whereas I was low below in the third dimension.

Although I was often reminded that we are one & the same, I could barely understand what this meant in reality. How can I (the tainted soul) ever be one & the same with the enlightened light beings around me? How am I even worthy of this?
And so, I started my journey to understand myself deeply, guided by my Akashic Masters. To me, it is a lifelong journey to learn, unlearn & relearn everything that I have taken on from others around me, which influenced me to see myself the way I did. To learn to acknowledge, accept & embrace all parts of myself with love – the so-called lovable & unlovable, acceptable & unacceptable parts of myself, all of which molded me to be who I am today. And for that, I am deeply grateful. ππ»
These days, my Akashic Masters are like my close friends, whose opinions & advice I respect & treasure deeply.

Despite their infinite wisdom, I have never met anyone like them who remains so humble, dedicated & committed to serve every precious child on earth, to guide them in a way that is aligned to their highest good. In times of crisis, we may sometimes be quick to blame them for not doing anything to save mankind from all these calamities afflicting us. Yet, they continued to silently operate in the background, paving the way for every soul to internalise a greater learning at their own divine timing. I am thankful & blessed to co-create with them, to share my learnings & reflections in the Akashic Records with many more who may need it. π
These days, I am slowly discovering the Light within me once more. The Light that I have dimmed, through everything that I have taken on from others around me, knowingly or unknowingly. The Light that I thought I was never worthy to receive. Now I realise, the Light has always been within me, just that it became dormant or dimmed through lifetimes of neglect, conditioning, societal programming and all other dense emotions that I might have taken on. Like everybody else, I am the Light that extends to, and is a part of, God/Source/Universe. Am I ready to activate the Light & walk in the Light once more? π
Sending much Love & Blessings to All,
Asha & Akashic Masters π€
π If you would like to access your Akashic Records through a one-on-one session with me, guided by your Akashic Masters, you may wish to check out my General or Themed Akashic Light Reading & Healing Services below.
πIn my Podcast on “Demystifying the Akashic Records”, I have uploaded an episode last week titled “Stepping into Your Power”. You may access it either through my Website or Spotify (links below).