Happy New Year! Welcome to a new year filled with exciting opportunities & possibilities ahead! 🌞🌟
How are you feeling these days? I pray that every day, we will always find something to be grateful for or to celebrate about. That will help anchor us to a more positive state of being, instead of being drowned by the incessant negativities & worst-case scenarios spouted by the mainstream media.
Some of us may wonder, are we merely running away from the stark reality by refusing to face it outright? To which, it is answered, our reality is shaped by our own perspectives. We can choose how we want to feel in every situation. The future is fluid and not cast in stone. Therefore, we can view the current situation through a variety of lenses & perspectives. We can invite in more fear, worry and self-doubt by allowing fear from within & around us to constantly seep into our consciousness. Likewise, we can invite in more peace, joy, fluidity & flexibility, and gratitude into our consciousness. Essentially, we give energy & power to every thought, emotion & feeling that we focus on. That is why our reality is shaped by us, and can also be adjusted by us. The question then for us is: What would we like to choose for ourselves every day?
The power of choice didn’t come naturally to me.
For many years, I didn’t realise that I have the power to choose how I feel, think, respond or act in every situation. In many instances, I gave my powers away to others to decide everything on my behalf. It could be due to various reasons, such as an incorrect belief that I didn’t have the right to choose, or the fear of offending others or being the odd one out, or people-pleasing tendencies due to my desire to be loved & accepted by others.
For many years, I was known by others to be a generally quiet, soft-spoken, compliant and supportive child, student, friend or colleague. I was not known for my thoughts, emotions & feelings, for these are rarely (or almost never) publicly displayed. Mostly, I kept them all to myself, in a private chamber of my heart, as I listened quietly to what everybody else had to say. It was not as if I had nothing to share. Rather, on most occasions, I didn’t feel safe or comfortable to share my thoughts, emotions & feelings, lest I ended up being judged, criticised or ridiculed by others.
The environment that I grew up in, was not exactly a forgiving one. It was not a safe space for mistakes to be explored. Since young, I recalled being brought up in an almost army-like regime. While my parents doted on us in terms of feeding & clothing us, we were also inculcated with their beliefs about life & expectations of how we should be in every situation. Because of my dad’s trauma with his own family, we were taught, for example, that:
- The world is a dark place filled with people who are evil, scheming, and out to plot against you or harm you.
- The world is also full of murderers, kidnappers, rapists and the like.
- Other than your immediate family members, nobody is capable of being trusted.
- The purpose of life is to acquire success in the material sense, in terms of a professional degree, well-paying job and prudent investments, so that we can reap the fruits of our labour in time to come. That is the be-all and end-all in life.
- We are here on earth to suffer through life’s experiences. In order not to prolong the suffering, we should not “owe” anyone karmically, hence we should refrain from taking or we should quickly return what we took, from others.
For many years, I was greatly influenced by my dad’s commandments on life & opinions of how each of us fare in the ladder of success. Unfortunately, early in life, I was the exact opposite of his opinions on what a successful child should be. I was nowhere near the academic success that he envisioned that his children (having inherited his good genes) should attain. In fact, for most of my primary school life, I struggled to make sense of everything that was being taught. I had a hard time understanding, let alone excelling in, the school curriculum. For a few years, I was literally like a walking zombie with panda-like eyes, due to insufficient sleep each day. Over time, my vision worsened, and I had to start wearing spectacles.
There was no room for the use of encouraging or motivational words at home. We were expected to buck up academically, or face the severe consequence of being lashed out physically by my dad. There was no opportunity for us to explain ourselves at all. Each time I received a complaint by my teacher, it was almost akin to a death sentence for me. The disgust in my teacher’s eyes & speech, the anger & fury in my dad’s eyes, and what felt like an imminent death approaching for me. On several occasions, I wondered if perhaps it might be better off for me to die instead. My life was devoid of meaning.
What I didn’t realise back then, was that I had given my powers away to my teachers & dad to decide on my worth.
Without much questioning, I took on their judgements of me, as my judgements of myself. As such, I ended up cultivating a harsh inner critic within me, someone who would relentlessly point out every flaw or mistake within me, waiting to be rectified. On hindsight, I wonder to myself: Do they really know me from inside out? Are they in the best position to judge & uplift me? Now I realise, the answer to both questions is no. None of them have truly worked deeply on themselves to uncover the light / divinity within them, let alone understand that it exists within me. Without deepening their consciousness, none of them are able to effectively judge me, in order to assist to uplift me to a more positive state of being. Since their judgements do not benefit me in any way, it is time for me to release & return their judgements to them.
Through my persistent hard work & a stroke of luck, I ended up pursuing a law degree at a local university.
As I came from a humble & frugal background, initially it was an odd fit for me, since most of my classmates came from wealthy & prestigious backgrounds. Thankfully, within a short span of time, I blended in & found my own circle of more like-minded friends in law school. Nonetheless, there was a “culture shock” everywhere, partly due to the differences in our upbringing, perspectives & lifestyles. Most classmates generally preferred fancy cafes & restaurants, branded designer clothes, bags & shoes. It was a sharp contrast to my personal preference for simple & fuss-free meals and comfortable attire.
During this time, I became acquainted to a classmate, who somehow mirrored my dad’s dominant personality. She decided to hang out with us and took it upon herself to “educate” me all about the different brands for clothes, bags & shoes. Through her, I started knowing the different brands and became more “brand conscious”, in my efforts to blend in. In addition, she was often quick to gossip, judge or criticise about others, including my attire, preferences & actions. To avoid her constant scrutiny & judgements, whenever I had to dine out with her, I would either let her decide or follow another person’s order. She also took it upon herself to “educate” me on the menu in fancy cafes & restaurants, and what each item meant. To be honest, I didn’t like to hang out with her, but I didn’t know how to reject her at all.
In the third year of law school, we separately embarked on our overseas student exchange program. It was a life-changing experience for me. I was blessed to meet a small circle of sincere, genuine & caring friends who looked out for one another, and took turns to visit & care for me when I was warded in the hospital. Unknowingly, these friends empowered me to shine in my true radiance, by not judging or criticising me for who I was. I felt so much freedom in a foreign land. At times, I would bask in my own company, be it a quiet meal in a cafe or a stroll around the shopping mall, and felt peaceful & calm within. Being with myself, loving myself, caring for myself and prioritising myself. Things that seemed unimaginable back then.
When I returned from my student exchange program, I brought back my newfound perspectives of myself. I learned to appreciate my relationship with myself at a deeper level – How I mattered, and how to love, care for & prioritise myself? No longer was my focus solely on how others (including the dominant classmate) might think, feel, judge or criticise.
Initially, I didn’t realise my shift in perspectives. It was only after a meal with my dominant classmate & other friends, when she blurted out in disbelief, “Wow, she has changed, she can now decide on what she wants to eat”. That was when I realised that she no longer mattered in my decision-making. I stopped being self-conscious in her presence, worried of how she might think, feel, judge or criticise about me, for any & all decisions that I made. Essentially, I took back my powers to just be myself.
Gradually, her attitude & actions towards me improved. She became more mindful & respectful of my boundaries. She also became noticeably more polite & courteous towards me, a far cry from her usual demeanour.
Through this experience, I realised how important it is, not to give my powers away to others who don’t matter. At all times, I have the power to choose who I would like to allow into my life. I don’t need to be a people-pleaser for everyone. Others may think, feel, judge or criticise about me all they want, but what matters is how I feel about myself. Of primary importance to me is to establish & nurture a deep & unbreakable bond of love, trust, respect & compassion for myself. For that is what my soul truly needs & is deserving of – not someone else’s harsh judgements or criticisms, but my everlasting support as an ally.
Concluding thoughts
Looking back, I am grateful for these opportunities to develop the self-realisation that I am an empowered individual. To learn to draw healthy boundaries with people whose opinions & judgements do not truly benefit me. To call back my powers that I had conveniently given away to them, or allowed them to take away from me, without much thinking or questioning. At all times, it remains a delicate balance – between empowering myself by drawing healthy boundaries with others, and being very mindful of my ego’s desire to be blind to my own faults & blaming everyone else instead. Self-awareness is key.
Masters, would you have any thoughts to share with us?
It is important to practise gratitude towards the people you meet, as they honed you to be a better version of yourself, whether directly or indirectly. Give thanks to them, send blessings their way. Pray for them to awaken to the higher truths & wisdom within & around them, to deepen their consciousness over time. It may take several lifetimes to deepen & complete the learnings, but nothing is impossible. Even if you are only planting seeds in their consciousness through the power of prayer in this lifetime, it may bear fruits or create opportunities for the recipient in ways unimaginable to them or even yourself. Never doubt your abilities & innate potential to assist them in their own awakening journey, through your own means and at their own divine timing. 🌞🌟
With Love & Blessings,
Asha & Akashic Masters
If you would like to uncover the deeper learnings & purpose(s) of different relationships in your life, you may want to consider an Akashic Light Reading & Healing Session with me. I offer a variety of sessions, co-created with the Akashic Masters, to cater to the diverse needs of all clients. Each Session will be customised for your needs, and guided by your Akashic Masters. Check out my Website for more details. 😉
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