Dearest Child,
Forgive me for forgetting all about you all these years. 🙏🏻
In recent years, I have focused extensively on healing my past wounds & trauma, mostly centering on my inner child experiences during primary school, between the ages of 7 to 12. It took me a lot of courage to recall the vulnerable parts of me that felt deeply wounded during these years. Back then, even though I was surrounded by people, I often felt a deep sense of void & loneliness. It felt as if I was all alone on earth. It felt as if nobody really cared whether I was alive or dead, so long as I don’t implicate others by being a huge source of embarrassment that I was. For many years, I often struggled to make sense of my very existence: Why am I born on this earth? What am I supposed to do here? Why am I still alive?
As I deepened my reflections, it dawned upon me that every experience (be it good or bad) was a precious learning opportunity for my soul. Initially, it felt unbearable & even repulsive to associate my “bad” experiences as “learning opportunity for my soul”. What a joke! Why must it be me? Why must I suffer in order to learn & grow? What is there to learn & grow, other than to recall the feelings of sadness, fear, anger, injustice, betrayal & the like?
As I spent time recalling these experiences & my associated feelings, I realised that it is less of the experiences and more of the feelings that haunt me all these years. It felt as if the show is already over, everybody has moved on. Yet a part of me still clings on tightly to the past, refusing to let it go. In fact, my inner children were terrified of any attempts to let go of these past experiences, lest history repeats itself. Yet, we also realised that it serves us no good to cling on to these past experiences. Each time we perceive a similar situation to have arisen, all these suppressed feelings would appear from nowhere, all ready to overwhelm us & hurt us once more. It felt as if we were at the mercy of our own uncontrollable emotions.
In recent months, I have made much progress working with my inner children between the ages of 7 to 12. We have finally forgiven the key characters that hurt us deeply in those years. It no longer mattered to us that most don’t really care how much we suffered under them or even remained unrepentant to-date. For the decision to forgive is to benefit myself & my inner children. None of us deserve to suffer endlessly, at the mercy of these past experiences & our uncontrollable emotions. We are finally ready to move on & embark on new experiences together.
But Dear One, forgive me for forgetting all about you. I didn’t realise that you too, at such a young tender age, was deeply hurt and crying alone in the dark, abandoned basement of my heart. I am sorry to have neglected you in my healing journey.
Last week, I was guided to reconnect with you during meditation. Initially, I was a little skeptical, as I thought I was doing pretty well as a 4 year old child. What’s there to reconnect, seriously? Weren’t we probably happy & joyful?
But as I set my intention to connect with you, and slowly counted my way down to a deep meditative state, I started sobbing to myself. A huge wave of sadness just swept over me from nowhere. I couldn’t stop crying, even before I reached you. When I finally saw you in my mind’s eye, you were there, sitting all alone & crying in the dark, cold, dirty & neglected basement of my heart. I walked up to you, held on to your little hands, and gave you a hug. It felt so liberating as we cried together in the dark. We are finally reunited. No one can separate us from each other from now on. No one is allowed to mess with you from now on. As I gently placed you to sit in front of me, I looked deeply into your face. There I noticed, the scar on your right forehead which hasn’t stopped bleeding. I didn’t realise that I was 4 years old when I slipped & fell, knocked my little forehead hard against the balcony ledge, and left a deep cut which required 12 stitches on my right forehead. As I touched your wound, I sensed how you have been feeling all this while – “that you are broken and defective from inside out”. That there is nothing adorable left in you any more. You are just a broken child, who will grow up to be a broken adult. You are left with this scar for all your life. It is irreparable. There is nothing to look forward to in life any more.
But Dear One, do you know that you are everything to me? While you may feel like a broken & defective child, to me you are a priceless & precious jewel in my heart. I will never trade you away for anything or anyone else. I will gladly protect & defend you at the cost of my life. To me, you are irreplaceable. I don’t chant affirmations to you, to pretend to love you when I don’t. Every word of affirmation that I say to you every day, is a truthful representation of how much you value to me deep down.
Dear Child, I love you. You are loved. You are worthy. You are infinitely precious to me. You will always be loved & prioritised by me. I will protect you at the cost of my life. You are not broken. You mean the world to me. You are divine.
I vow to be your father, mother, best friend and guardian. I will not allow anyone to mess with you.
It has been slightly more than a week since I have been reunited with you. Every morning, I look forward to connect with you, and shower you with lots of love & affirmations. Every evening, I look forward to wrap my wings around you, to keep you safe & protected before I sleep. You no longer need to return to the dark, cold, dirty & neglected basement of my heart. You are a part of me, as much as I am a part of you. Together, we will explore the world together, and strive to be of service every day.
I love you, my Dearest Child. I love you for your sweet, innocent love, kindness & curiosity towards the world. I love you for your scar, pain & sorrow that you have taken on even at such a young, tender age. Know that you will never be alone from now on. I will always be with you, and you can always count on me. 🧡
With all my Love,
Asha
Masters, is there anything that you would like to share with us?
Dearest children, inner child experiences can be deeply traumatising for most of us, because it is where we unknowingly took on a lot of societal programming, family conditioning, old/false beliefs, and cling on to them as the truth. It is also where many of us took on feelings on inferiority, unworthiness, fear & sadness from others or the outside world. We acknowledge that it takes great efforts, commitment and perseverance to work through, heal and reconcile the traumatic experiences of our inner children. To learn to see the positive learnings despite the ordeal. To learn to be our own greatest supporter, instead of waiting for or relying upon an external party to make us feel complete. We are empowered to create new beginnings for ourselves. We can choose to unstuck ourselves from difficult or challenging situations, experiences & emotions. Nothing is impossible. Here’s to better days ahead! 🥂
If you would like to be guided to heal & reconcile your inner child wounds, you may consider signing up for a Themed Akashic Light Reading & Healing Session with me, centering on “Deep Healing of Past & Present Issues Afflicting the Soul”. Know that each Akashic Records session is unique, customised for your needs, and guided by your Akashic Masters throughout the session.
For the past two weeks, I have also uploaded audio recordings of selected blog posts in my free Podcast on “Demystifying the Akashic Records”. Episodes 21 to 30 were recorded from my blog posts published from Feb 2021 to Apr 2021. Do check out my links below to my Website page or Spotify Podcast.
My free Podcast is also currently available on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music, Stitcher, TuneIn + Alexa, Podcast Addict, Podchaser, Pocket Casts, Deezer, Listen Notes, Player FM, and Podcast Index. Free feel to check them out! 🌞
